I thought 2008 was a tough year. And it was. To be fair, there were some redeeming moments, but overall it was a year of facing some giants and forging through challenges that seemed impossible. So at the dawn of 2009, I was giddy about a new start. I made a long, long list of things that would be different in 2009. My control issues started taking over (again) and I started trying to drum up the best dang year ever.
So guess where my attempts at controlling and fixing life landed me. In the middle of another hard year, filled with different challenges. Time and time again, I have prayed…”God, is there something I’m missing here?? Are you asking me to ‘do’ something and I’m just not hearing it?” And you know what I hear in response?
Time and time again, silence has set in like a cold winter snow. It covers everything I can see with an awareness that it’s not about what I can see. Truth… faith…. love… is once again not emerging from the things that scream for my attention. And I know this isn’t breaking news… but it has hit me all over again during the past few weeks.
So instead of assuming that God is “MIA” when all I hear is crickets in the middle of a dark night, I’m starting to realize that the silence really is a gift. Not one of the lame gifts we get in the mail from the insurance company (although I’ll admit, that was my first impression).
Silence has, in recent weeks, allowed me the rare chance to tune out all outward expectations – mine and anyone else’s – and look at life from the inside out. Silence forces me to tune my ear – or rather my heavy heart – to the things that aren’t things. Silence brings into keen focus the Voice of the only One whose whisper is more powerful and life-changing than a thousand voices. For that, I’m eternally grateful.
This year, moments of silence have been my salvation from despair. Because it is in silence that the music of Heaven can be unleashed in the depths of us. In our journey of faith, just as in all masterpieces, there is really is music in the pause.