Waiting can be sort of exciting for awhile. A short while. Then it starts to make me squirm.
There are prayers and questions I’ve been asking for years, and sometimes I feel as if the answers will never come. After being in a “holding pattern” for weeks, months, or even years in some cases, the line between “hopeful” and “gutwrenching” can get very blurry.
I always come up with questions in the waiting – questions for which no answers come, like: “Did I miss a cue somewhere along the way?” Or, “What exactly am I waiting for?” Or even, “Will clarity ever come or am I going to be hanging on a prayer forever?!”
Every now and then I have a meltdown and declare that I give up. That’s almost always when something happens. Some little sign or ray of light surprises me, reminding me that I really don’t have the option of giving up in the waiting. So I get back to the waiting.
I’m now starting to see a pattern (since waiting has become such a permanent fixture in my life). A “pause” isn’t an absence. It’s there for a reason, just as a musical ‘rest’ isn’t the absense of music, but rather an important component of the music. Whenever the music stops (or so it seems), the part that comes next is always powerful, breathtaking and beautiful. In life, just as in any masterpiece, there is music in the pause.
The pause – the waiting for “whatever comes next” – has, ironically, taught me to savor THIS moment in a new way. If the heart is constantly fixed on what we don’t know, or don’t have, or can’t do…it is so easy miss the whole point. Life is meant for relationships, for investing in things that are eternal, for extending kindness in a cold world. Savoring the moments we have with the people that have been lovingly place in our lives – that’s something we will never regret. That is the music!
No matter what you are waiting for… don’t miss the music in the pause.